Old happy stars


Do you remember when you were a kid?

And every shinny thing in the sky looked like a star?

I would spend hours staring, even before it became dark, just so i could catch the first one.

When did stars become boring?

When did i stopped searching for them?

I need them back.

I need all those stars i found when i was a girl.

And the wishes i made on them too.

And the people that was by my side.

I need all the things i left behind…


Rio with no chance of rain.


You just shaved.

You are wearing a white shirt.

You smell like the sea.

You throw your arm over your eyes and say it can’t happen.


Your brother is asleep on the next room so we are talking low.

Makes your voice sound younger, almost like a child’s.

Shaved like that, in the dim light, you´re almost a kid.

I had forgotten how young we really are.

It caughts me off-guard.

I put my lips on your throath while you speak, just to feel it’s real.


You say impossible.

You say something huge is standing between us.

What would we do? Where would we go?

It’s because we are in Brazil again, i know, the air makes you want to stay.


Rio is too hot, too humid, too salty. Even at night.

So hot it makes you want to escape your skin, your body, your problems, your mind.


You say something. You ask if i was listening. I wasn’t.


“It’s raining, news said there was no chance”.

You smile.


You say impossible but impossible things happen everyday.

Just look.

I already did many impossible things for you.


The tunder wakes your brother up and he makes us drink tequila shots.

It’s 2 am. We sit on the balcony.

Everything’s so dark, so quiet; feels like we’re the only ones alive.


You say impossible but it’s been going on for over 3 years.


We fall asleep at some point, on the same couch.

My head on your shoulder, your brother’s on my lap.

When did you became my family?


You say impossible but it’s already happening.


I wake up first, we are so close i can feel you breathing.


Impossible things only take a little more effort, a little more time, a lot of plane tickets.

And two people in love willing to break old rules.


lula avila

The map to your apartment.

The map back to mine.

The map of your body.


The map of the city we live in (always changing)

The distance between your place and mine.

The words you speak and how i always cut them up or glue them as i wish.


There are maps everywhere if you really look.


The map of your warm breath on cold mornings.

The map of your hands, and how you never know what to do with them.


And i know one day you and i will be gone and all these roads will stop working, they’ll end with us.

But right now all the maps of my life are leading to you.

Even the ones with no way out.


“Where do you want to go?” you ask.

As if i wasn’t already there.

As if you weren’t the place i had been looking for all my life.

If humans had two lives.

If i had two lives i would use one to stay with you.
If for giving you time i didn’t had to steal from mine, i’d wait.
If only choices weren’t so final, i’d do it,
I’d give you all that you are asking for.
I’d stay on hold until you’re ready.
Hold the stair for you until you grow.
If i had two lives i would use one just for loving you.

But we only get one.

And you were born younger than me.
And you’re not sure either.
And i can’t wait.